Dear Two thousand and seventeen,
Thank you for being better than 2016. Although you’ve been another year full of challenges and things are still far from perfect, it’s still an improvement and a step in the right direction.
2017 taught me that sometimes, the only choice you have, is to see the good in the bad. This applies in my personal life, but more so life in general. There’s a lot of evil in this world and you know it’s bad when bombings, stabbings and vehicles mowing down innocent human beings are no surprise to us anymore. It can make you crazy if you let it and so I’ve had to teach myself to look for the good in these situations, no matter how diminutive they may be. I’ve had to make tough decisions this year and go through more changes and I’ve had to teach myself to see the good for my own sake.
In 2017 I learnt to speak out about mental health and my own experiences with it a little bit better. It’s never easy explaining how you feel to someone, especially when it doesn’t even make sense in your own mind. This is something I’ve actually suffered with for some time, however this year I seemed to reach a new low that got to the point where I was worrying myself and so speaking up was something I had to do. Losing a friend to suicide really opened my eyes. No one deserves to feel like they’re better off dead. Sadly though, it also opened my eyes to how insensitive and ignorant people can be regarding mental health and why there’s so much stigma around it. It’s hard to rise above such ignorant and selfish comments, but that’s what you have to do for your own sanity. They’re opinions only, not facts.
I’m so grateful for the professional help I received. It takes a very strong and patient person to be a therapist, and I’ll forever be appreciative of mine. He taught me a lot, but the most significant thing I learnt from him is that it’s completely normal to feel the emotions I feel after some of the things I’ve gone through. I think sometimes we’re too hard on ourselves and think we have to be strong all of the time. Wrong. If you need a good cry, let it out! Crying is the most natural way of releasing emotions, and what you usually find is after a good cry, you feel that little bit better. We’re stronger than we think ya know!
When I was a teenager, I used to trust most people. It wasn’t until my late teens/early twenties that people started to break that trust and I became more wary of people. To be honest, I got to the point where I did not trust a single soul, and it was hard to deal with. I have tried and tried to see the good and only good in people and to put my trust in people, but this year I learnt that its not necessarily a good thing to do that. You cannot control the actions of others and how they’re going to treat you and i think its a lot safer to protect yourself and not put yourself at risk of letting someone break your trust and upsetting you. I’m starting to believe it is better to just trust no one. At least it saves the disappointment.
It’s 2018 already……… Like, I can remember the millennium! Time flies and life’s too short. I’ve learnt that we don’t have time to waste on people that serve us no good in life. It’s not easy removing people from your life, but it does mean you’re taking care of yourself and that’s perfectly okay. Towards the end of 2017, I started to feel more content within myself. I have my own needs, dreams, desires and life that no one can take away from me, and it’s okay to live it how you want. No one can force you to be something you’re not and it’s time to stop feeling guilty for detaching yourself from people, even if they’re family. I’m okay with being associated with people but not necessarily connected to them. Again, it’s an act of self care. Terminate toxic relationships and surround yourself with good people.
“The worlds gone mad” .…. I’ve said that numerous times over various years now and so instead of letting humanity confuse me and sometimes infuriate me, I’m just going to accept that this world is more than likely going to get a whole lot more mad! I don’t think there’s anything more left to say on this matter.
When I was a little bit younger and the New Year would come around, I always used to think it was an opportunity to start fresh, which it is. However I thought it was an opportunity to make your life perfect each day starting on the 1st. Ha! Yeah right. In my opinion it’s impossible to live a perfect life. Every year is full of ups and downs, that’s the way it goes. There is no such thing as a perfect life and these challenges are put in front of us to make us grow as people and learn some life lessons. Although I wouldn’t wish some of my life experiences on my worst enemy, what I do know is that they have shaped me into the person I am today and made me a stronger person.
I wish everyone a happy and healthy new year and hope all the happy memories you’ll make will outweigh any difficult moments & emotions. 🖤
I’m really not your average girl. I’m pretty random, pretty spontaneous. I’m fascinated with the universe, the planets, spiritualism, meditation, the law of attraction. I will always remember that one massive book in my nans ‘library’ room that was all about planets. I’d lose myself in it for hours! It’s mind-blowing how we are just one planet in a massive universe – but I’ll probably end up writing a separate blog post about this matter because I could go on and on.
I love makeup but I love football more. I look like a girly girl but I’m a tomboy at heart. From a young age I’ve been brought up around football. Credit to my dad for that one who even took me to my first football match aged 8 months old at my home team, Portsmouth’s Fratton Park. I was surrounded by it constantly and just grew to love it and the way football is played. I’ve spent many of my days at Fratton park or stood on the side of a football pitch watching my little brother and dads football team play.
Id consider myself creative – sometimes my overactive mind drives me crazy with little ideas. I have to write now to get a lot of it out. I’ll happily sit there for hours colouring fine detail pictures or just sketching. It’s really therapeutic if I’m honest.
Sometimes I just want to become a hippy and not be apart of the outside world or be tied in with the government. Not saying I’m one for politics and I don’t really know enough about it to have much of a say on it but when I put things into perspective with the government and a lot of their rules, laws and “systems” it does really piss me off! I just want everyone to be chilled and loving lol but it’s an unrealistic want when I struggle to even get a smile back from the general public when I’m out. I know it’s easier said than done, especially when people are dealing with shit in their lives, but I think if everyone was a little more upbeat and open and commutated with each other, the world would be a much better place.
I love music. All different kinds of music really, dependant on my mood.. like most people really. My favourite has to be reggae, techno, dnb & hip-hop. I grew up dancing to techno and hip hop music as I competed in freestyle disco and street dance. I think that’s one reason I love a rave so much. And as for reggae, I listened to that whilst in the womb. Bob Marley, like many, is my all-time favourite. I could sit and watch videos about him all day, especially interviews – I love his voice.