Dear my younger self,
I don’t want to spoil anything for you because I know you love surprises, and don’t worry, you have a lot of those coming. But I just wanted to give you some advice….
You really want to be 18 don’t you? In your eyes, when you turn 18 you are classed as an adult, you are independent and no one can tell you what to do. You’re already using fake ID to party at the weekends. Appreciate these younger years – they’re easy and you’ll soon wish you could relive them.
Your life now is drastically different to how it will be in 5 years time. Spend as much time as you can with your family – they’re important and you shouldn’t take them for granted, especially your grandparents. Your parents will tell you things and it may seem like they’re moaning and you wont believe half of the stuff they tell you, but when you get older you’ll realise that they were telling the truth and had your best interest at heart.
The thing that kills you the most right now is your desire to be thin. You think the skinnier you are the prettier you are without putting your health at the forefront of your mind. You think that skipping meals is the way forward. Exercise because you cherish your body and not because you want to lose weight. Stop comparing yourself to others, everyone is different.
You fall for people and you fall for them hard. That boy you like right now – he’s not worth it. You’re better than him but you can’t see that because somehow you see the good in everyone. You’ll think you have had your heart broken and it will seem that way at the time but trust me, in the end you will learn how you should be treated and who is good for you. It sounds so cliché but never settle for less than you deserve. Don’t worry, this is a slow process.
You’re going to meet some amazing people and some not so amazing people. Friends will come and go but the terrible people will make you appreciate the good ones. Just don’t let anyone brainwash you or tell you who you should be. Don’t let anyone control your life and always trust your gut. Stay true to yourself and never let anyone tell you what to do.
Your partying years will be crazy and you’ll never forget the crazy friends that you got weird with at countless after parties in the early hours of the morning. It won’t be the healthiest point in your life as you guzzle back the alcohol but you’ll look back and be glad you did it. Never look back on something as a waste of time – it’ll either become a wonderful memory or you’ll learn from it.
You’re passionate and it will sometimes frustrate you with your overactive mind and drive to achieve anything you can but it’s a great quality to have. You’re going to do things you’ve never imagined doing and they’re going to excite you.
You’ll realise that maybe you should have tried that little bit harder at school. Likewise, it will annoy you that school didn’t teach you the most important things in life, like how to get a mortgage, control your finances and how to use a washing machine. And by the way, all that algebra shit that your maths teacher is teaching you is pointless. You won’t need it, you’re completely right.
Most importantly, you are strong. You don’t believe it now and there will be times where you feel like you’ve lost all sanity. You’re going to experience a lot more heartache yet and some of your toughest days are yet to come. You’ll have plenty of times when you question life and sadly you’ll have times where you feel like you don’t even want to live in this world anymore, but you will get through it. You’ll eventually prove to yourself that you’re a lot stronger than you think. Equally though, you’re yet to experience some of the best days of your life and you’ll be able to put everything into perspective. You can get through anything, I promise.
There is no right or wrong way to live your life. Do what makes you happy and smile a lot. Life flies by and you’re not getting any younger.
All my love, 22 year old me.
I’m really not your average girl. I’m pretty random, pretty spontaneous. I’m fascinated with the universe, the planets, spiritualism, meditation, the law of attraction. I will always remember that one massive book in my nans ‘library’ room that was all about planets. I’d lose myself in it for hours! It’s mind-blowing how we are just one planet in a massive universe – but I’ll probably end up writing a separate blog post about this matter because I could go on and on.
I love makeup but I love football more. I look like a girly girl but I’m a tomboy at heart. From a young age I’ve been brought up around football. Credit to my dad for that one who even took me to my first football match aged 8 months old at my home team, Portsmouth’s Fratton Park. I was surrounded by it constantly and just grew to love it and the way football is played. I’ve spent many of my days at Fratton park or stood on the side of a football pitch watching my little brother and dads football team play.
Id consider myself creative – sometimes my overactive mind drives me crazy with little ideas. I have to write now to get a lot of it out. I’ll happily sit there for hours colouring fine detail pictures or just sketching. It’s really therapeutic if I’m honest.
Sometimes I just want to become a hippy and not be apart of the outside world or be tied in with the government. Not saying I’m one for politics and I don’t really know enough about it to have much of a say on it but when I put things into perspective with the government and a lot of their rules, laws and “systems” it does really piss me off! I just want everyone to be chilled and loving lol but it’s an unrealistic want when I struggle to even get a smile back from the general public when I’m out. I know it’s easier said than done, especially when people are dealing with shit in their lives, but I think if everyone was a little more upbeat and open and commutated with each other, the world would be a much better place.
I love music. All different kinds of music really, dependant on my mood.. like most people really. My favourite has to be reggae, techno, dnb & hip-hop. I grew up dancing to techno and hip hop music as I competed in freestyle disco and street dance. I think that’s one reason I love a rave so much. And as for reggae, I listened to that whilst in the womb. Bob Marley, like many, is my all-time favourite. I could sit and watch videos about him all day, especially interviews – I love his voice.