Dear 2016….

Appreciate every moment because life goes quick but a lot can happen in a year

 Dear two thousand and sixteen,

You’re a year that I will never forget. In all honesty, I couldn’t wait to see the back of you. In fact, I would rather break both my legs and be incapable of moving for 6 weeks or so than endure the emotional pain I did in 2016. You undoubtedly changed my life and made me question my own sanity. I didn’t even know what ‘normal’ was for a long time. My life was far from normal. I was completely lost. You see in 2016 I cried like I’ve never cried before, screamed like I’ve never screamed before and interrogated life itself. What the hell was my meaning? What did I have to do to make life a little more tolerable than what it was currently throwing at me. I started that year with one goal – to teach myself self-love and to stop worrying… something I’ve always struggled with. I was determined. But what do you do when the situation you’re in is entirely out of your control? I was teaching myself that I could get through anything if I was in control of it, but when there’s nothing you can do, you have no choice but to watch everything come crushing down around you. Being in a situation that you have no control over destroys you mentally. I also questioned the true meaning of love and whether I even believed in it. I lost respect. I lost dignity. And that’s when I learnt that the people closest to you are most capable of hurting you. I hid away. I distanced myself from a lot of people. I didn’t want to bring anyone down with the negativity that was going on in my life. I wanted to avoid people asking that question ‘so how are you, what have you been up too’. I mean, I could lie like I did a lot of the time and say I’m fine. But then you’re in that viscous circle of needing people to know what you’re going through but also not knowing how to tell them. Where do I start? I still don’t know where to start… 

 2016 showed me how much emotional pain you can take. It revealed true friends and true colours. But I guess I’m also thankful. 2016, The year I had to grow up and the year I learnt the most. It taught me that you cannot plan your life. By all means have goals and be ambitious but don’t expect it to be plain sailing. Anything can happen on your pathway in life – things you’re never prepared for or thought would ever happen. It taught me that no matter how hard things get, you’ll always get those people that are your angels in disguise and will help you. I’ve felt truly blessed by the kindness I have received from some people this year, a lot of them people I didn’t even know the previous year! And when people do good for you, pass it on and do good for other people. A simple act of kindness can make a tremendous impact on someone’s life and if we pass it on then I think the world will be going in the right direction.

 As for now, my life isn’t perfect. But what life is perfect? If life was perfect then we’d never learn anything. I’m still adapting to change and I still have a long way to go but thankfully the last week of 2016 gave me positive thoughts about 2017. I have plenty of perfect moments in my life and for me, that’s all we need.

 The biggest thing I learnt? I am stronger than I think. 

 We’re all stronger than we think. Some things you don’t think you can get through, but we all do, somehow. And each time you get stronger. 

Peace & love for 2017 to everyone